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kimberly michelle

about me

Kim. 18 years old. Lexington, SC. Horses, writing poetry, reading books, webdesign, photography, philosophy, psychology, coffee houses, Camel Turkish Jades, beer, partying, shooting pool, etc.
no_faerytale @ livejournal . com
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[December 28th, 6:12pm]
[ mood | creative ]

New livejournal.
http://livejournal.com/~jump_da_fuck_up

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[December 27th, 6:12pm]
[ mood | good ]

Not much to say really. I know I don't update much anymore. Life is going pretty good. We finally got 3 stalls built in the barn so I can turn them in to eat now. Sheri moved in with us.. It's great having her here. <3 Ryan is in Kentucky right now visiting family, I pick him up from the airport on the 2nd. I think we're going to Augusta for New Year's. Might get another tattoo soon. We'll see. Might also be buying another horse. :)

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[December 14th, 7:12pm]
If you want a Christmas card from us, email me your address. rodeodiva2k5@aol.com
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[December 11th, 11:12am]
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe your gone

It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday's the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday



This song makes me think of my Daddy.
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a little rhyme for you.. [November 28th, 9:11am]
I'm under way too much stress,
and I have a warrant out for my arrest.
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[November 15th, 6:11pm]
I've been slack on updating this thing. Well, today was my first day at my new job.. Proud to say I'm already running a register by myself. It usually takes 2 or 3 days before that happens. So yay!

After work I came over to my grandparents' house, where I'm at now. Sheri and I went up to House Coffee.. Yeah, what WAS Courtyard. It totally sucks. You can't smoke in there now. But the artwork is pretty cool.

After that we came back over here and I finally got to meet my aunt's boyfriend, Patrick. He seems really nice and funny. We're watching his kids while they go to a seminar or something. Savana and Dakota. They're cute as hell and pretty cool. I did something I haven't done in nearly 10 years.. I rode a bike! With the kids.. up and down the road. Now my ass hurts. Then we played hide and seek. Now they're chattering away with Sheri while I type this. I guess I'm gonna finish up some comments on Xanga and go watch TV.
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[November 15th, 12:11am]
Talked to Jared earlier on the phone.. :\
I don't know what to think of it.

Trying to figure out why some people are going back on their word and being nice to people who really don't deserve it. But whatever. None of my business I guess.

I got a job today. I'm going to be a cashier at Food Lion on 378 in West Columbia. joy.. Come see me.

I heard back from that guy that was interested in training. He said it would be a few weeks before they had the money to buy the horse. So hopefully in about a month I'll have a new horse to train. We'll see.

My granny had a stroke today. And she's showing early signs of dementia. So they had to admit her to the hospital this evening. I hope she gets better.. Almost the whole family was over at her house today. Marion and I hung out for a while, shot some pool..

That's about it for now.
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I think depression runs in our family.. [November 8th, 8:11pm]
Me: I'm like a baby, if I'm not sleeping, I'm eating or shitting. Or crying.
Mom: You cry a lot?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Me too.

le sigh.
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[November 7th, 12:11pm]
My mom says this song reminds her of me (and the situation w/ Jared):

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
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[October 27th, 6:10pm]
Sitting at the coffee shop on my laptop. Yay wireless! Sheri FINALLY got it to work after like an hour and a half. ha. It wasn't her fault, it was my stupid computer. ;)

Um.. I don't have like anything to do for Halloween.. Anyone wanna do something? :) Let me know!

Okay, that's all for now. heh.
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[October 23rd, 2:10am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Had soo much fun tonight at Scarowinds with both the Ashley's, Jason, Shannon, and Jason's mom and neice. First we went to McAlister's to eat.. And they didn't give us our chicken! poo. Then, we finally got to Carowinds. We were all jumping on each other when the costumed people came out at us.. and in the haunted mazes. We didn't get to ride and do everything we wanted to, or atleast, Ashley M. and I didn't, cause I had to get her back home close to midnight.. But, we did get to ride the Vortex, the Hurler, and do two of the scary mazes. I blew a bunch of money tonight, but it was worth it! I can tell we (me, Ashley, Ashley, and Shannon) are all going to be a tight group from now on. :) Nice to finally have some good horsey friends that don't backstab and talk shit.. or just lose their trust in you for no good reason (they should've had enough trust in you as a best friend in the first place to believe you when you were telling the cold hard truth). ahem. Anyway..

I *think* I'm going to call someone I haven't talked to in a long time tomorrow. heh.. Who knows what might happen then! I just hope his number is still the same..

Ohh and Jed is coming in town in a few weeks so we are definitely getting together! I love being single.. atleast, for the moment. It's so fun being footloose and fancy free whenever I want to be.

Not sure what all is going on tomorrow.. Gotta get up and head out to Ashley's barn to take her back her purse and cell phone that she left in my car (she rode with me and Jason drove the X-Box). Then I don't know what the heck I'm doing! So if anyone wants to hang out, give me a call or email me or something. I'll be around. I definitely gotta do some laundry though.. I have like nothing to wear! Okay.. that's all from this end. Later gators.

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[October 19th, 2:10pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Will you, walk me
To the edge again
Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me
I'm giving in to you

Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you

Caught up, in life
Losing all my friends
Family has tried, to heal all my addictions
Tragic it seems, to be alone again
I'm giving in to you

Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you

(Oh fuck)

I look forward, to dying tonight
Drinks 'till I'm myself, life's harder every day
The stress has got me
I'm giving in
Giving
Giving in, NO!

Take me under
(I'm killing all the pain)
I'm dying tonight
(i'm sick of all this pain)
Watch me crumble
(I'm killing all the pain)
I'm crying tonight

I'm giving in to you
Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you



Sometimes I just feel like ending it, all over again. That feeling doesn't go away, no matter what I do. It keeps coming back to haunt me and I have to fight it. I will discipline myself, I will learn my lesson, I will suffer pain for all I have done wrong. And I hope this makes you happy. Now to drink myself into a stupor..
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[October 19th, 1:10am]
Who was there for you when your horse died?
Who was there for you when you ex abused you?
Who was there for you through your break up?
Who hooked you up with Allen?
Who covered for you when you wanted to be out later than curfew?
Who spent money on your shit for the fair and never asked for anything in return?
Who spent money on you plenty of other times and never asked for anything in return?
Who spent the past what, 12 years, being a friend to you?

Think about it.
I'm not the bad guy here.
I've been a better friend than anyone else ever has and you know it. Aside from that, it shouldn't matter who I decide to be friends with, it's not like I'm forcing you to be their friend too. That's your decision. But I don't see why it has to affect our friendship. I don't want to lose you again.
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[October 18th, 8:10pm]
[ mood | good ]

Fred and I went trail riding today after he got off work. The boys did great. Came back and put hay out for Rebel and Scooby. Now I'm eating steak.. yummm. And talking to Ryan. :) yay

Hopefully I'll have a new job soon, and I'm looking at buying another horse to keep Rebel company, since Scooby will be leaving at the end of the month. Gonna miss the old guy. Anyway, I'm looking for a prospective lesson horse, so I can start up lessons soon. I'm going to use Red and Rebel too. If I don't find any lesson horses, and even if I do, I'm probably going to buy a project horse to re-sell. But we'll see how it goes!

Things are looking up. :)

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[October 17th, 9:10pm]
unmetaphorical: it's amazin'.. this family. you explain somethin' to one person, they tell the next person.. and what they tell the next person isn't even close to what you said in the first place. i don't have the time or patience for that.
cherrybomb2k1: LOL
unmetaphorical: i was like.. look, kim about beat some buffy's ass. that's all there is to it.
cherrybomb2k1: LOL
unmetaphorical: i have a few words of advice for ya.
unmetaphorical: if you don't want people to fuck w/ you: get fat.
cherrybomb2k1: LMAO
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[October 17th, 9:10pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I'm seriously thinking I should just move to Kentucky with Ryan next year. He said I could train for him. He's buying about 30 acres up there and opening a horse farm. After all the shit that's been going on lately, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Maybe it would be nice to get away from all this shit that's dragging me down and stressing me out.

I'm sorry that people cannot respect my decisions. It's not like I'm trying to force my opinions on them. I want to be friends with EVERYONE (well, with the exception of one person, but that was obvious). I wish everyone could just get along. It would be awesome. Then we'd have a great show team and a group to go trail riding with and things like that. But that's never going to happen, no matter how much I wish it would.

Ryan invited me to go on a moonlight trail ride last night, but thanks to yesterday's events, I couldn't possibly be out. So I didn't get to go. bummer.

I really like this guy and I'm so afraid I'm going to blow it. But on the other hand, I'm just not so sure I'm ready for a relationship yet. But I told him that. I hope he understands.

We had so much fun this weekend though. Friday, Ryan and I ran some errands around Sumter, then came back here, went on a trail ride, went out to dinner, then to the movies. I went back to his house and spent the night. Saturday he had to work so I came back home. Went over to Ashley's barn and hung out with her and Shannon, rode Bob, got some lunch (LOTS OF FRIES!), then headed home. That night, I went back out to Sumter, picked up Ryan and his friends (he doesn't have a vehicle right now, the only downside to it all), stopped by the store and got some beer, stopped and got a hotel room, then we went to Skyline. After Skyline, we went back to the hotel for a 'party' which turned out to be more like drink some beer and crash. The next morning we all went to Waffle House, then headed out to Ashley's barn. Then I took them back to Sumter. Came back to Ashley's barn, some drama went down, the cops came, etc etc. Went to Ashley's house and hung out there for a while since all that shit was going down at the barn. My parents came. I think we've gotten things sorted out, but we'll see how it goes. All I can say is people overreact. If that caused your fucking back to get hurt, you're pretty damn fragile. But whatever.

That was the only bad part of this weekend that I can recall. Today I just basically sat around and did a whole bunch of nothing except go to a doctor's appointment. fun.

That's it for now.

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[October 16th, 9:10pm]
Well I hope you fuckers are happy. You got what you wanted. I'm sure none of you will be seeing me for a while.

Maybe I can atleast write some decent poetry while I'm in jail.
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[October 15th, 5:10pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So this week has been pretty productive! I met an AMAZING guy.. His name is Ryan, he's 23, and he has a horse (Daisy Duke). She's a Tenn. Walker. He's so great. He's such a cowboy, but yet we have so much in common aside from that. He's what I've been looking for. Yesterday, we took Red and Rebel on a trail ride, went out to dinner, then went and saw the movie Waiting. Then we came back home, drank some beer, talked, chain smoked, and finally went back to his house for the night. It was so nice to cuddle with someone again. It's been a while. He's going to be keeping Daisy out at some place in Wedgefield for a while longer, then he might be moving her up to my barn in a few months. He might also be breeding her to Phantom. yay, foal! I can't wait til next year.. I'm so ready to break that colt because he has SO much potential.

We did pretty good at the fair. I showed Prince in Hunter Under Saddle.. I showed Phantom in Showmanship. He did really good, but unfortunately didn't place. That judge was biased. Then I showed Blackheart (Erica's horse) in Musical Cones.. Then I showed Red in Western Pleasure (got a 4th), Western Horsemanship, and Barrel Racing. We had a lot of fun. We always do though. Tara and I did a John Deere theme for our posters and our table. We set up a table for Cobalt with his scrapbook and pictures. Everyone loved it. And EVERYONE loved Phantom. He got so much attention. :)

I rode Bob today. That was.. interesting. He doesn't like to go. At all. But I got him to trot around the ring a few times and that was that. I think everybody is going to Skyline tonight.. That'll be fun! Can't wait.

Okay, well, that's all from my end right now. Later!

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[October 10th, 1:10pm]
[ mood | betrayed ]

Well, it's not the end of the world.. but it's pretty darn close.

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This pain is just too real. [October 5th, 9:10pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

M: Have you learned anything from it all?
K: yes.
K: that life's a bitch and people lie and backstab you for no good reason. but most of all i realized how much i missed you.
M: What did he do this time to hurt you?
K: he wrote something really immature and nasty about me in a bathroom in a public place, he lied to me and told me there was no one else when in actuality, he went back to his ex-girlfriend. now they're engaged. he tries to say we were never engaged. he's still got his car at my grandfather's house. he called me a slut over the phone the other day. he got in my mom's face and cussed her out, as well as me. etc.
M: You knew there was someone else months ago when I told you.
K: i didn't know there was someone else. i thought he was being honest with me. but i guess not. but it's okay.. i'm over it, i don't want him back, i hate him.
M: We can get together again but only under three stipulations. You start listening to my advice, you start being more independent, and lastly you never, ever talk to him again no matter what. Deal?
K: deal.
K: i'm so sorry.

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